There's a cliché that men don't like to shop. That the very word inspires puddles of sweat and heart palpitations and nightmare visions of being trapped in husband or boyfriend purgatory, which is holding their women's purses in public. I never understood that part myself. Do women do that to guys? Make them hold their purses? I don't carry a purse at all, but it seems to me that, if women really do carry their whole lives in their purses, as most claim, wouldn't it make more sense to keep on you at all times? For all I know some women carry their souls in there, so why trust that with someone who might benefit from capturing it and turning you into a subservient zombie slave?
But I'm just speculating again. Two words to dispel the cliché about men hating shopping:
Home
Depot.
And guys, don't even TRY to tell me you really hate going there, but HAVE to go because there's something there you NEEED. If that were so, there would not be little play areas set aside in the power tools department. With all the little power drills and screwdrivers and saws all lined up, calling you to playyyy, to playyy, sorry I meant to teeeest them, teeeeest them, check their 5 speeeeds and torrrrque. I've seen men whose larynxes were removed because of emphysema squealing like little girls at the sight of gleaming machinery all powered up and ready to be *ahem* tested. The only ones capable of passing THAT area are the ones stuck shopping with their wives. "C'mon, honey, the garden center is at the other end of the store. C'mon. Come onnnnnn. Oh, honey, you can play with your power screwdriver at home." "But sweeeetiiiiiieee, this has a quick change feature and more torque!" If you hated shopping at Home Depot, you would not stand there watching the employees pulling boxes from the top of 50-foot shelves with their little forklifts. You'd swear at them for blocking the aisle, cover your eyes and press on. "Can't watch forklift in action, must make beeline for loose nails and wood primer, need wallpaper samples!!"
I say this as one who also finds the most insignificant reasons to go there. Sorry, I meant list of necessary supplies for my must-do weekend project. Insignificant reasons was a slip of the tongue. The biggest problem I've found with Home Depot is, in spite of the fact that each store has more employees than customers, I cannot get any of them to help me. None. I could walk in there, my denim overalls, boots and baseball cap covered with paint and brickdust, set myself on fire and commandeer a forklift at full speed, and they'd still pounce on the first bot-bellied couch potato led in by his wife. I've had to perfect flying tackles to get any attention at all there. I hesitate to call it sexism, since I tend to be oblivious to those subtle instances that infuriate more sensitive women, but-- it is. To its credit, I have to say that things have been improving, and almost entirely because women now work there. Their sole purpose seems to be seek out the ignored, the desperate, the just-need-one-question-answered people: the Women! But enough Steinem-esque declarations.
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