What's The Official Language of Austria?
So-called Man on the Street interviews depress me. For others, they are a source of constant hilarity. Comics such as Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Corolla, and Jim(?) Mercer semi-regularly go into the streets of America and puzzle passersby with trivia questions, which almost every one of them fail to answer correctly. To be fair, it's most likely because the editors of said segments pick only the ones who got stumped and skip the average folks who answered anything correctly. Oh, about that Mercer guy: he's a Canadian comic who crosses the border to pose his questions, to which I say: ASK YOUR OWN FOLKS AND LEAVE US ALONE! It's bad enough that our own boys, such as Leno, are exposing the basic stupidity of Americans. But before I go on, readers of this could cluck their tongues and tch and roll their eyes and think, "Shut up, you loser armchair gameshow contestant. You think you'd answer them all right, then go on that Million show!" Well, I could try to get on it, but I doubt if I would. Gameshow producers pick people of a particular personality, and I have found from experience that I lack whatever it is they're looking for. Oh: "Enthusiasm." That was the word I needed. In a quizzing situation, I'm all business. Just feed me the damned questions and let me answer them as quickly as possible. No quips, no anecdotes, and Ms. Robinson, no smartass comments. Gameshow producers don't like that. Plus, as far as trivia goes, I'm content just knowing it. Having faster thumb reflexes than the guy next to me isn't a big deal to me. That and I know I'd bomb like a ton of rotten, moldy tomatoes on "Win Ben Stein's Money." I know my limits here, people.

That having been said, I still claim the right to be depressed by the mind-numbing ignorance being displayed during Man on the Street quiz sessions. The title I chose for this musing was one the questions that Jay Leno posed to a flurry of passersby, and all were stumped. Again, I'm sure some did know, but were left out. But how many? What was the percentage? Not very high, I imagine. And I am the only one who thinks most DJs are stupid? I mean couldn't finish 2nd grade stupid. Do so many of them have to go off on rants and other diatribes about things they nothing about? That tendency is so.... American! ARRRRGH! Ex. the morning DJ who exploded into a rant about vegetarians after some celeb was mentioned as being one. "WHADDA YOU MEAN, SHE DOESN'T EAT MEAT? HOW COULD SHE NOT EAT MEAT? BUT SHE EATS CHICKEN, RIGHT? WELL WHAT ABOUT FISH? DOESN'T SHE EAT FISH? HOW COULD SHE NOT EAT CHICKEN OR FISH?" ad nauseum. The laws (and no doubt many by-laws) of physics prevented me from reaching into my radio and stretching my hands and arms along the radio waves to emerge from the studio's microphone to STRANGLE her. Leno also stumped passersby with "How many planets are in our solar system?" Not "How many moons does Neptune have?" Not "How many miles from the sun is Saturn?" Not "Which planet has an orbit that's sufficiently elliptical to temporarily bring it in closer to the sun than the planet just before it?," but "HOW MANY PLANETS ARE THERE IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM??"

I get stomachaches watching these things. Is that so wroooooooong??

Oh, and the answers to those questions I asked above? Fuhgeddit! You're online, right? Look them up. Muah ha ha.