I demand that OSHA investigate George Lucas. I don't mean his earth-bound company ILM, but his brain. I'm assuming that most of you have seen at least one of the Star Wars movies. What is this guy's problem with cavernous rooms, bottomless pits and narrow walkways all over? Oooo, so dramatic, oooo, but think about it - who in their right minds would work in these areas? "Blurg, you fix the bad panels in the hallway, I'll check out the A/C problem in the Princess' bedroom, and Dek... you go into the huge cavernous room with no floor and the narrow walkways with no handrails in sight."
Take Star Wars to start with. This started the trend. The old Jedi Ben creeps around a one-foot ledge to turn off a tractor beam. Any floor in this room? Nahhhh. Then that fan favorite scene, Luke and the Princess swinging across a chasm. Why IS there a chasm? Why do they need to extend a bridge? Why isn't there ALWAYS a bridge? Those Death Star guys need to live and work there every day and walk around the halls, PREFERABLY without fear of plummeting to their deaths in every room.
The latest movie - The Phantom Menace - wonderful lightsaber duel with the good guys and yucky evil bad guy, Darth Maul. Where do they end up? The cavern with the catwalks. And they're not even catwalks - catwalks have rails along the side. These things are like planks on a pirate ship. Harrrr, watch yer step, mateyyyy! "AHHHHHHhhhhhhh----*!!" Harrrr, didn't watch yer step! So they fight their way along these tongue depressor walkways, then get separated by these... I dunno, laser compartments or something. Little rooms separated by walls of light that even their lightsabers can't get through. Why? What are these laser rooms protecting? The bottomless pit at the end? Were too many people throwing their garbage into this pit? Isn't that what pits are FOR? And how could they get there, anyway? The other rooms are death traps to begin with! Maybe it's like some obstacle course for potential employees. "Make it to the pit at the end ALIVE... and you're hired, MWAH HA HA HA HA HA!"
So Lucas, put some handrails on your sets, for God's sake! If the Empire is so evil, it's GOT to have workers' comp and insurance people writing up all those incomprehensible regulations. How much more evil can you get than that?
|
