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Demolition Man
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If you've gotten this far, you should realize by now that my tastes in
cinema are decidedly lowbrow. So dammit, I'm not afraid to admit that I liked this movie so much when I first rented it, I
rewound it and watched it again. A double bill of the same movie.
What the f-?? you might mouth in slow motion in reply. I'm as surprised as you are. Let's face it; this is a testerone-driven,
90-minute cock fight between two ultra-violent bulls who somehow distinguish themselves as "good" and "evil." Sylvester
Stallone and Wesley Snipes, both of whom have played somewhat more complex characters before, are John Spartan and
Simon Phoenix, respectively. Spartan is the Demolition Man of the title, so named because he seems incapable of solving
any crime without huge amounts of property damage. Phoenix is his arch-nemesis, a gleefully psychotic crimeboss who
offers strong competition for the Joker as craziest bad
guy ever. In the late 20th Century, Spartan finally corners Phoenix in a
warehouse, but not without the warehouse blowing skyhigh all around them. Phoenix is arrested, but has set up Spartan
for his own fall: criminal negligence at getting dozens of hostages killed in the explosion. Both Phoenix and Spartan are
found guilty of their respective crimes and are sent to cryo-prison. Since, per the film, cryo-prisons began in the 20th Century, let's
pretend that our prisoners are now cryogenically frozen alive and fed rehabilitating thoughts subconsciously. When their terms
are up, they're unfrozen, still as young as before, but now rehabilitated. Supposedly.
Phoenix is revived for a parole hearing, and not only speaks fluent Spanish now, but also knows
the voice command to free himself from his shackles. He also knows that doors are opened via retinal scans, how to drive
the futuristic cars, access codes to practically everything, and got himself some kickass subconscious training in martial arts,
right down to increased muscle tone and agility.
Looks like he'd had a somewhat abnormal rehab program.
Funny thing about the future: L.A. and San Francisco have been brought closer together thanks
to "The Big One," aka a massive earthquake. San Angeles is now an ultra-peaceful, nonviolent, and mellowwwww utopia where
cops like Sandra Bullock are bored and crave excitement. You know, like cops in the 20th Century craved excitement. She's
alone in her boredom, though, and must keep this to herself. Phoenix missed all this history and is as violent as ever, or perhaps
more so. He cuts a bloody swath through San Angeles that only old-timers on the force can even vaguely remember. A 20th
Century solution is needed for Phoenix: archenemy John Spartan, of course.
Spartan is thawed out and has a grand old time adjusting to future shock. Radio stations play only old commercial jingles, any kind
of physical contact has become unseemly, violence is nonexistent (apart from Phoenix' antics), all greetings are "mellow," Taco
Bell is the only restaurant in town, and even toilet paper has disappeared. Citizens are fined
little slips of paper for public swearing, something which
Spartan uses to his advantage. They have no toilet paper, remember?
The head of this utopia is a pajama-clad, condescending doctor who we all
suspect straight off is up to
no good. And we're right. He was the one who programmed Phoenix with new and improved violent thoughts, but not without plugging
in a mental block that keeps Phoenix from shooting him, which he tries to do repeatedly. His mission is to kill Dennis Leary (and why
shouldn't that be everyone's mission?) as the leader of an underground group of survivors not quite in tune with the good doctor's
"vision" for utopia. Spartan notices these folks during a food raid outside of Taco Bell, but can't get a straight answer from
anyone about them.
So he goes underground himself and takes Bullock and her soon to be in all her other movies pal, Benjamin Bratt. Spartan has
little trouble fitting in with the underground folks, even to the point of enjoying the first real meat burger he's had in a long time- no
matter that the meat is rat. They meet Leary, who explains it all for them, but are interrupted by Phoenix, who's thawed out a bunch of
cutthroats to help him do his mission.
Many firefights later, with Bullock showing herself pretty capable in hand-to-hand combat ("Jackie Chan
movies," she explains, which no doubt have all been banned. Naughty cop!). Then Spartan goes after Phoenix alone, as he must. They
duke it out in the cryo-prison for a while. Phoenix uses a very nasty laser cutter to chop up the whole facility, until Spartan manages to
flash-freeze the whole facility, including Phoenix, who loses his head over it all. He and Bullock then trade a sloppy kiss, the uptight
society joins forces with Leary's not-uptight-enough vagabonds, and you know that society will be back to its old violent, noisy, drug-ridden, depraved self in no time. So at least Bullock won't be bored anymore.
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