One could argue that a plot involving not only the potential end of the world, but existence itself, doesn't qualify as escapist entertainment, but Smith directed it, not Terry Gilliam (arguably, a director whose films I should enjoy more, except that I don't).  This is some funny shit.

Hang on now; it's a little complicated.

Bud Cort, costar of Harold and Maude, but now a tad older, is enjoying the air in Asbury Park, New Jersey.  Three street hockey-playing youths appear from nowhere, race up, and begin beating Bud severely.  Fade to black.

Meanwhile, two fallen angels, Bartleby and Loki (Ben Affleck and Matt Damon), are tired of their exile in Wisconsin and want to go home.  Why are they fallen?  Well, Loki used to be the Angel of Death.  Sodom and Gomorrah?  His.  The plagues of Egypt?  His. Bartleby, a "watcher" angel (ie, he knows everything about everyone), after both get drunk, talks Loki into quitting.  He doesn't just quit, but throws down his flaming sword and gives God the finger.  So they're cast into Wisconsin for the span of human history, and will stand outside the gates of Heaven forevermore after that.  That and no angels are allowed to drink anymore.

Bartleby is clued in by a mysterious benefactor to a loophole in dogmatic law called plenary indulgence.  A new Catholic church, part of the "Catholicism Wow!" campaign headed by Cardinal Glick (George Carlin!), will use the plenary indulgence to wipe clean all sins of those who pass through the church's archway.  So.... all Bartlby and Loki have to do is pass through the archway, make themselves mortal by cutting off their wings, then die without committing any other sins.  God would have to let them back into Heaven if they died with a clean slate.

But wait; there's more.  The angels, still quite cocky after a few millenia, figure they might as well take out a few sinners, since their own sins will be wiped clean in a few days.  Loki's intended hit:  the board of directors of Mooby, Inc, aka Mooby the Golden Calf (hmmm, golden calves.  Sounds familiar). Then they go back home, no harm, no foul.

The problem with this is that all of existence hinges on the fact that God is infallible.  For two angels to sneak their way back in, thus ducking God's edict, would prove Him (or Her, depending on which character is speaking) to be wrong, thus negating all existence.  Bummer.

All of the above is explained to Bethany (Linda Fiorentino), the last scion (although she doesn't know it), by Metatron, the Voice of God (Alan Rickman).  Literally, he is.  See, humans can't physically or mentally withstand the power of God's True Voice, so they explode.  "We went through five Adams before we figured that one out," says Metatron.  Thus Metatron relates God's Will to humans.  His Will is that Bethany, whose faith is not exactly on firm ground to begin with, go to New Jersey and stop the two angels.  She'll even be joined by two prophets:  one, a chatty type, and the other, a quiet type.  Unfortunately it's too inconvenient for her at the time, but thanks for stopping by.

Loki and Bartleby, on a bus to Jersey, debate about sin and the appropriate punishment for them.  For the Angel of Death, that's pretty much the given punishment for breaking any of the Big Ten.  He proves this by accurately deducing two smooching passengers to be adulterers, then blowing them away.  So much for taking the bus.  But Loki is high on justice now.  Uh oh.

So who's the mysterious benefactor of the two angel?  Fallen Muse, now demon, Azrael (Jason Lee), whose henchboys the hockey players, also known as the Stygian Triplets, set up shop in a murdered woman's home and conspire to shuffle off Bethany's mortal coil.

Bethany finishes another day at the abortion clinic, where she works, and is promptly menaced by the Triplets.  They close in for the kill... and are thrashed by none other than our "prophets," Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith.  Yes, the director).  They ask only for the humble reward of Bethany having sex with them.  Oddly enough, Bethany isn't hip to this, but does manage to talk them into letting her accompany them back to Jersey.  Never mind why they're in Chicago right now; it's a long, twisted story.  Bethany's car breaks down, though, thanks to Jay, and the trio must walk from there, but not before Rufus (Chris Rock), the 13th apostle, falls from the sky.  Yes, that's literally falls from the sky.  He's there for a few reasons:  help Bethany save existence, and in return, get her to have some changes made to the Bible.  First, he's not in it, and second, Jesus was Black.  Well, that's what Rufus says, anyway.  He does seem to know a lot, though, such as that Jay thinks about guys while masturbating more than anyone else on the planet.

Jay and Silent Bob slip away to a strip bar, where former Muse Serendipity (Salma Hayek) is entertaining the locals.  Rufus recognizes her, and she him.  While Jay and Bob bond with a street gang who'd also been taking in the scenery, Serendipity explains what happens to Muses who think they can become successful screenwriters in their own right.  The cosmic joke:  she can inspire, but can't be inspired.  So she strips to pay the bills.  Fortunately her descent from Heaven was voluntary, as was Rufus's.  Azrael plays his next hand by summoning the Golgothan on Bethany and her pals.  Simply put, a Golgothan is a demon made out of shit and is one of Hell's top assassins.  It has them pinned behind the bar, until Bob saves the day by knocking out the demon with deodorant spray ("knocks the strongest odors out cold!").

Loki and Bartleby arrive at Mooby HQ and manage to let themselves in unnoticed to a board meeting.  Bartleby lists the accomplishments of Mooby, Inc. before naming them as idolators.  The Golden Calf, like in the Old Testament, has for years been drawing attention away from God - a clear violation of the First Commandment.  Ahh, but being a Watcher, Bartleby is also able to name the most perverted acts committed by each board member, except the lone woman on the board.  She's clean.  Time for Loki to dispense justice and punish the wicked, which he does.  He's stuck with a gun instead of a flaming sword, but they get the message.  Only the woman is let go, being a good gal and all.  Oh, but sorry about the mess.

Azrael finally reveals himself to the angels when, thanks to Loki's hard-on for dispensing divine justice, they've missed the next bus to Jersey.  They're about to "rise above it all" (that's fly, to us mortals), when Azrael talks them into keeping a low profile.  After all, their mission is pissing "people" off.  They just think they're going home and that's it.   No consequences.

Bethany and Co. get to take the train to Jersey, presumably because no one can afford a plane ticket.  Jay and Bob introduce Bethany to their new buds Larry and Barry, who look awfully Matt and Ben-ish to us.  Hmm, more train hoppers.  Bethany bonds with "Barry" while Jay and Bob smoke blunts with "Larry."  Bethany eventually gets inebriated and confesses her divine mission to "Barry," still not comprehending how divine it really is.  Barry is not pleased with this news.  Rufus, who'd been asleep in the back, now arrives and recognizes both angels immediately.  Bartleby threatens Bethany, Loki coldcocks Jay, and Silent Bob dispenses some whoop ass to both angels, tossing them from the train.  Back to walking for them.

Bartleby has an epiphany.  Back in the old days, things were great in Heaven.  Then Man was created.  Man, unlike angels, was given free will.  For the first time, one of God's creations - humans - was actually capable of deciding for themselves whether or not to serve Him.  They could even ignore Him if they wanted to.  They were given a planet and have practically destroyed it by now.  They were given Paradise and got thrown out.  They've messed up every gift given to them, and God has shown infinite patience each time.  Loki and Bartleby make one mistake and are tossed out for all eternity.  Bartleby says enough.  To protect what's rightfully theirs (a return to Paradise), Bethany and the others must die.  Loki isn't too sure about this.  He's "heard this rant before," from the first (and last) angel to take on the Throne directly.  Milton wrote about what happened there.  Look it up.  Bartleby is beyond reason by this time, though, and vows to finish their quest no matter what the consequences.

Bethany and her pals also leave the train early.  Rufus calls it classic strategy - don't be where the enemy thinks you'll be.  He also finally reveals what this last scion business is about.  About 2,000 years ago, a humble woman gave a virgin birth to the son of God, also known as Jesus.  He also reminds Bethany that Mary and Joseph were married, and Mary didn't have to remain a virgin.  No one told them they couldn't get down after Jesus.  So they had other children, with Jesus being somewhat more well-known.  Those children had children, and so on and so on and so on.  Bethany is the last descendant of those children, or as Rufus puts it, she's the "great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Jesus Christ."  Bethany isn't thrilled to know this, though, and it's up to Metatron to return and apologize for what she now knows, but nothing can change that.  Long ago he had to tell a 12 year old boy that he was the son of God, and that he'd end up persecuted, hated, tortured, and executed by the very people he'd been sent to enlighten.

Metatron blinks them all to a swanky restaurant now, where Bethany finally comes around and accepts her mission.  So where is God, anyway?  Why the comical cadre?  It turns out that God loves skeeball.  Because of this, every month or so He takes human form for a few hours and plays skeeball.  Then He donates His winnings to the kiddies and returns to Heaven.  But someone or something has incapacitated His human form, and they don't know whose form it is.  Fortunately Jay comes up with the good idea of convincing Cardinal Glick to cancel the ceremony.  Unfortunately the Father disagrees, so the gang meets in a bar to consider other options.  Jay and Bob have swiped the Cardinal's golf club as a prank, heh heh.  Whatever plans they had are stopped, though, since Azrael happens to be there, too.  After ordering a Holy Bartender (ie, shooting the bartender with an Uzi), he holds them all hostage and makes them watch the local newscast.  It seems that a church's dedication ceremony has become a bloodbath, as Bartleby and Loki have arrived and are "judging" everyone.  That is, if judging means tearing off heads and dropping anyone and everyone from huge heights to their deaths.

Azrael's side of the story is that a Muse's place was to inspire, not do battle.  So he sat out the war in Heaven to see who'd win.  Since God won (obviously), not just the rebels, but the fencewalkers were cast into the Pit.  Azrael sees this as terribly unfair, and if leaving Hell is impossible, nonexistence is the way to go.  No matter who else is negated as a result.  During the newscast, Serendipity, "ever the fucking apple polisher," inspires Bob to hit Azrael with the Cardinal's golf club.  Azrael even obliges Bob, convinced he's just wasting his time by hitting a demon with a driver.  Bob swings... and opens a hole in Azrael's chest.  The now dead demon didn't know the Cardinal was the sort who'd bless his golf clubs for a better game.  Bethany is able to bless the bar's sink ("it's the divine heritage"), which is used to drown the Triplets.

The church now resembles a battlefield.  Every part of the scene has bloodied corpses.  Loki is drunk, now human thanks to his wings lying on the ground somewhere or other, while Bartleby drops a few more bystanders.  Fortunately they haven't entered the church yet.  The gang fails to talk Bartleby out of his mission.  Even Loki fails to take down his former comrade, and is stabbed by Bartleby for "losing the faith."  The battle is joined.  Jay drags Bethany away so they can screw (hey, they had maybe five minutes before all existence was negated, and she did say that maybe she'd screw him under that circumstance).  He inadvertantly reminds her about John Doe Jersey, the poor old man who'd been beaten into a coma at Asbury Park.  Yeah, there's Skeeball there, what about it?  Bethany figures it all out (which is good, since I'd already forgotten about the guy) and takes Silent Bob with her to the hospital to pull the plug on John Doe Jersey.

Jay joins the battle by shooting off Bartleby's wings.  Rufus and Seredipity point out that Bartleby is human now and can die with a clean soul.  This information seems lost on Jay, though.  Bethany reaches John Doe Jersey and pulls the plug, causing him to go into cardiac arrest as Bartleby sprints to the church.  He reaches the door just in time to be greeted by Metatron and God, having taken the form of Alannis Morissette.  Suddenly in the divine presence once more, Bartleby breaks down and apologizes.  Anyone not already dead or from another plane of existence is asked to cover their ears, and God speaks.  Very loudly.  The earth shakes and the skies rumble, and Bartleby explodes.  Now it's Jay's turn to continue being as clueless as ever, as he demands - loudly, vulgarly - what the fuck is going on.  God replies by kissing him on the cheek, and he's down for the count.  She then cleans up the street (ie, removes all the bodies - to where is never explained), and all is right again.

Or is it?  Silent Bob arrives with a lifeless Bethany in his arms.  The force of God leaving John Doe Jersey has sliced her open, killing her.  But God rewards her with life anew (literally, born again.  This film has a lot of literals in it), and Bethany has no problem with her place in life anymore.  She does attempt to ask Her "why are we here?," which prompts a whimsical tweak of the nose in reply.  So much for details.

What I liked:

• The story.  Although not fond of end of the world scenarios, the end of the world is averted, so that's okay.  I prefer feeling a sense of relief at the end of a film, not a sense of dread.  Don't get me started on the ending of The 12 Monkeys, a film I'm told I should really like because I'm so hip.  Well, I didn't, so I must not be.
• Jay and Silent Bob.  Remember, this was my introduction to those two, unlike true afficiandoes of all things Smith.  They'd had 3 other movies in which to hone their acting skills, and this was a good thing.  It was difficult for anyone to keep up with Mewes, even the highly regarded Alan Rickman.  Which leads us to asset 3, 
• Alan Rickman.  Smith and Scott Mosier, the producer, lobbied hard for "Hans Fucking Gruber," and they were rewarded.  Although Metatron is not in many scenes, Rickman dominates whenever he's around.  Yes, even when Jay was present.  According to Smith, Mewes was so intimidated by the great and wonderful Rickman that he memorized the entire script.  Everyone's lines, not just his own.  Also of note was that the angel wing rig weighed some 70 pounds, and this wreaked havoc with Rickman's back while wearing it.  Did he quit or even give Smith a hard time?  Of course not.  The show must go on.
• Alanis Morissette as God.  I'm no fan of her or her music, but even doing an impression of Holly Hunt from The Piano (Smith's first choice for the part, mind you), I was impressed.  Like Silent Bob before her, she runs a gamut of emotions (in her only scene, yet) without saying a word.  I'm not putting her performance amongst the greatest of all time.  I'm just saying I liked her in the role.
• The angel's wings.  Very big round of applause for the work on those rigs
• The fact that this film came out after Good Will Hunting, after Ben Affleck and Matt Damon won the Oscar, and after they were overnight superstars, leading many to wonder how the hell a guy like Smith got them to star in his little flick.  But movie schedules being what they are, the film was made before they became Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.  They were just Ben and Matty then.
• The dialogue, as anyone familiar with the film already might have noticed, since its liberally quoted throughout this wrapup.

What I didn't like:

• All the frelling exposition.  There's a lot of dialogue from a lot of characters explaining it all for us.  What is plenary indulgence, why could it mean the end of existence, here's how things work in Heaven and in Hell and in Wisconsin and... You get the idea.  Still, one has to cut Smith some slack for it, because Dogma is based on a somewhat obscure idea known to some Catholics, but likely not all.  Plus any fan of Smith's movies will tell you the man loves dialogue.  I can appreciate that, being an (unfortunately) unpublished screenwriter, but it makes for a longer movie.
• The whole backlash from rabid Catholics before the film came.  What a waste of everyone's time.  On the plus side, though, it did spark my interest in seeing the film.  Even more ironically, it instilled in me an even greater sense of faith in God than before.  The movie itself, I mean, not the backlash.  So there, rabid Catholics.
• I wish the Stygian Triplets had lines.  I dunno, it just bugged me that they were silent.